My purpose in the world? Sure, I’ll tell you my purpose in the world. I have very little to lose from it.
My existence is rather troublesome to those who would like to make a science out of man. Most men behave in a predictable manner, following very closely and narrowly the natural biological laws that regulate our temperaments. Therefore, most men strive for wealth, power (in some form), women, and prestige; I strive for none of these. My existence is predominated, consciously and unconsciously, not merely by a desire to transcend the mundane aspects of life that surround and stifle me, not only to break out of the egg and fly skyward toward higher planes, but to destroy. To destroy that which is taken for granted. To destroy that which the multitudes enjoy. To destroy the crippling, asphyxiating drowsiness that half extinguishes the burning torch of truth and nobility that we are all born with, but which only the happy few learn to wake from. Mine is a longing, a lust for meaning; it is not eased by temporal pleasures, nor by the already established, nor by the explanations of science or theology. Science and philosophy are both wonderful things, of course, but none of them truly arouses my apathy. They fight amongst each other like warring siblings over a delicate treat; immature, tired, obstinate, both are unsatisfactory to me as explanations of Being. I search, therefore, for the individual truth within: the truth that is not of the world, but of the self. It may take years. I may commit great crimes to reach it. I might have to forsake my lovers, my family, and my own self to find it. But I must find it, driven onward by an impulse that altogether transcends my rational and conscious powers. Otherwise I am merely ash and decayed dust like the rest of these hollow and stuffed men, and this is the most abhorrent of identities; hollowness is to be despises, rejected, hated; originality, creativity, nobility- these are to be searched for in the farthest of reaches. I do, I try to. When it becomes obvious that a certain course of action in a certain field is not the best, I question it, I fight against it inwardly and push and shove and oppose it willingly and rationalize the impulse to hate it. Like false kindness, like shallow jokes. I hate them, I internalize my hatred, I do battle.
I shall do battle, like a warrior. I love the ideals of Christ and the beauty of Bach’s music. I shall fight for these, for these that are some sort of vague semblance or shadow of truth to me. Though I do not know what I am, why I am, or what we are humans are, and though I do not know if there does, in fact, exist a watchful Clockworker in the heavens, I know for sure that we can transcend the debased and wretched condition of our species. Altruism will save us from being brutes like the other creatures of the world.
Nikky August 1, 2011, 4:17 am
That's deep.
Lucian August 2, 2011, 2:33 pm
Yup.
VictorThePro August 23, 2011, 11:57 pm
Shit, just got Real.
Lucian August 27, 2011, 4:05 am
Victor, we do not tolerate foul language in this forum. If you must use foul language, it should be in a form that is very appropriate. Take example from Paul's publications.
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